Druids Of Sisyphus Gardens Log

17 Jan 2022

2021 was marked by an increased interest in Druids and the Futel services. This took the form of experienced Futel users, blossoming friendships from repeat callers (what’s up Detroit!), and possibly a disappointed conspiracy theorist. As usual, many of our records are missing. Here’s what we got.

Feb 13 Detroit called back. Caller gave the phone to their friend to receive some Druidic advice for the New Year, I wasn’t feeling particularly wise or witty so I consulted the rocks. The rocks said “Be kind to others. And yourself!”, so I guess they weren’t feeling particularly creative either.
March Caller wanted to know what the Druid’s phone looks like. It’s a clear plastic phone from the 90s, like from Clarissa Tells It All. Caller said they became an architect because of the dad from that show.
April 7th Caller left a voicemail from St. Johns, curious if anybody would pick up on the Druid line. “This is pretty neat and made my day.”
June 4th Caller asked how I found myself on the end of a Druid Hotline? Gave them info on my life. Told them of a DIY Magic the Gathering card I altered. Caller was wearing a MTG t-shirt, but never played. We agreed Futel is the best art project in Portland.
June 5th Caller from Detroit asked for Druidic advice for their coast to coast bicycle trip they were on. Provided advice. I requested they call from a Futel node when they reached Portland.
June 6th Child caller said hello, asked what I was doing. I provided information. Exchanged names, and they said they had to go. I said to call back anytime.
June 18th Caller asked if I knew of or heard the term “bitch feet”. I hadn’t and couldn’t provide further information, as I had no internet access. They said I use the demultiplexer and hung up.
June 20th Caller asked about the Druid and “what is your job?”. Provided information about my life. Caller asked how to pay me money and couldn’t provide information. Instead directed them to donate to Futel. Thanked and appreciated each other, and wished a good night.
July 21 Caller expressed great joy. They had just spoken to Operator and was excited to use all features of Futel. Caller drove 5 hours from Pittsburgh to to use the Detroit Futel! They found out about it on the internet. Asked for Druidic knowledge to take back to Pittsburgh, extolled the virtues of Beavers as a keystone species. Wished them a fun telephoney time.
July 29 At 8 AM Caller on a Portland Futel wanted to thank me for the inspiration to make it to Portland by bicycle. I said oh no! Was it really smokey? Yes it was. I apologized. Good luck on your trip to Astoria!
August At 3 AM Caller asked if I spoke Gaelic. No. Oh, are you working? Uh, no, I’m a bit broken. Caller was trying to call a random concentration camp, but that wasn’t working either. Directed them to try again. Caller thanked me and wished good night.
August Caller left a voicemail. Caller wasn’t sure why they wanted to talk to the Druid, but they heard a lot about it, and ran really far to call. Sometimes we need someone to talk to who isn’t really … there. Call back! Sometimes Druids are standing by.
September Operator left voicemail, from a new phone in NOPO. No call-back number yet.
September Two Callers asked questions about Futel. Second Caller asked if I flushed after peeing. Explained that the Druids do not have toilets nor do they pee into potable water.
October Child caller sounded distant. hi… hello! HELLO! I can’t hear you! Talked to parent who said they were walking in their neighborhood.
October Detroit called, we chatted about Fall and the yellow leaves.
October 31 Children callers left a voicemail wanting to know what breast implants are made out of.
November Caller called just as I was headed to the mailbox. Passed the phone to the other Druid, caller promptly hung up.
December Detroit left a voicemail. For the first time, there wasn’t a Druid to answer (for them). Hope to hear from you soon!